Establish Rapport: The Often-Missed Step That Sets Up Major Gifts

This is post # 2 of my B.R.I.D.G.E. framework series — a practical, connection-based framework to help fundraisers deepen donor relationships and secure more major and transformational gifts. If you missed the first post on how to Build Connection, you can read it here. 

Today we’re moving to the second step: Establish Rapport—the one that too many fundraisers rush through, or skip entirely.

Why Rapport Matters More Than Ever

In uncertain times, such as the economic unpredictability we’re all feeling now, donors aren’t just looking for results. They’re looking for relationships that feel real and trustworthy.

Rapport is the glue that makes connection stick. Without it, conversations stay surface-level. With it, donors start to open up about what they really care about.

It’s easy to think rapport is a “nice to have.” A few minutes of small talk before the “real conversation.” But it’s actually the foundation of trust and giving. Because when someone feels at ease with you, they’ll share their story. They will open up about their motivations. They will talk about their values and how they might express them through giving. That’s when fundraising becomes transformational.

A Client Story: The Power of a Simple Comment

One of my clients was a senior major gifts officer at a nonprofit committed to helping families of all shapes and sizes through a variety of community-based services. She had in introduction to a prospective donor, and we talked about how she might make the first meeting request. I helped her with research and prep. (I always suggest that MGOs search the person's name and "bio" or "article" and in this case, we found a story about her as a business woman in a regional magazine.) There was a terrific quote in the article about the importance of giving back. (We also found that she owned not one franchise, but five, which added to the qualification around capacity.)

When my client secured the meeting, instead of launching into a conversation about their mutual connection and her nonprofit, she simply said, “I’ve been thinking about something you said about how important it is for business owners to be involved in our community to create deeper connections and stronger community fabric. And it’s stayed with me. I just wanted you to know that.”

The donor visibly relaxed. The conversation flowed. They ended up talking for nearly an hour. And within two months, my client was able to secure a first gift of mid-five-figures.

That’s rapport. It’s not a tactic—it’s a moment of humanity.

What Gets in the Way of Rapport?

Sometimes, major gift fundraisers are in such a rush to "get to the Ask" that we forget the power of settling in. Or we feel awkward slowing down -- especially if we’re feeling pressure to bring in results. But rapport isn’t wasted time. It’s the best investment you can make in the future of that relationship.

Sometimes we have been in touch with a donor but not for a long period of time. In that case, you may need to re-establish rapport, whether the reason for being out of touch has been due to you or the donor. 

Two Actions You Can Take This Month to Establish Rapport

Find Small Conversational "Hooks" (Even if you Hate Small Talk)

Before your next donor meeting, jot down two open-ended questions that have nothing to do with your program. Instead, focus on the person. You may need to read back on meeting notes that you've taken or those of previous colleagues. Try:

• “I recall you mentioned that your youngest will be graduating this spring. You must be proud!”
• “I saw that you've joined the board of X Charity. I'd love to hear more about your connection - I've actually been a supporter of their work myself.”

Let the conversation breathe. Rapport grows in unscripted moments.

Invest time in learning more about the donor

I've worked in large teams and small. I've been fortunate to have worked at nonprofits where there was a Prospect Researcher on the team who was terrific at finding those wonderful rapport-building details. But you can usually find some rapport-building details yourself. Things like: “Granddaughter is applying to med school,” “Loves gardening,” or “Speaks French.” These details create continuity across conversations and show a prospect or donor that you ready to be open and curious, and not just there to talk about the gift.

The Upshot

When you slow down and establish rapport, you’re not being inefficient. You're being effective.

Especially in seasons where giving may slow, fundraisers who build real rapport are the ones who stay top-of-mind, top-of-heart, and ultimately, top-of-gift.

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This is Part 2 of the B.R.I.D.G.E. series.
Missed the beginning? [Start with Part 1: Build Connection
 

Next up: Invite to Action: how to make asks that feel like an extension of the relationship, not an interruption.

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